Before I begin; no statements of apology will be issued as a result of any offence caused by this blog post or any that come after it – just hit the backspace button and pretend we never met 😉 (tis the beauty of the internet).
LET ME OFF THE TRAIN FIRST. It’s not a pretentious Londoner thing, it’s a COMMONSENSE thing. The quicker I can get off the train, the quicker you can get on and try desperately to ignore the pregnant lady making a b-line for the same seat as you.
Attempting to part a sea of sour-faced commuters is not something I’m eager to do every morning – although the hushed shock as ignoramuses pinball off my shoulders is quite satisfying. That’s right, I will not do the polite, British thing and clumsily pirouette my way through a crowd of people that shouldn’t there in the first place!
While I choose to turn this experience into a real-world version of Angry Birds, not every commuter has the upper-body strength to dispel you platform zombies. I’ve had to reprimand a few zombies for shoving past parents with small children. So with this post, I make a plea on behalf of the meek, weak and the typically British:
Can you please allow passengers off the train first
I’m gonna go ice my shoulders now. Alight here.